Have you ever heard some thing so profound, but so simple. I was a speaker at a woman’s conference on domestic violence over the weekend. Another speaker was telling us that she was having an argument with her husband. He looked her straight in the eyes and said, “you have 20 minutes.” She asked him, “What am I supposed to do in that time.” The answer was simple. Do what ever you need to do to get past this anger, this frustration. ?Take a walk, ride your bike, throw something, walk the dog, paint, sew etc. Do something constructive, the anger is doing nothing but stealing your time and energy. I sat there with those words twirling around in my head. You have 20 Minutes. I thought about. What would help me? I know when something hits me so profoundly it’s God telling me, STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN. So I asked myself, how can I apply this to my life. I’m glad I asked myself that question. Here is what I came up with.
- Own it, what ever it is you (I) had a part in it- what part did you play in causing the anger? It’ never just any one person’s fault. It’ takes two people to argue. In my case, it’s usually that I didn’t speak my truth. I didn’t give voice to my true feelings and i’m left feeling frustrated. It’s OK to admit that you messed up.
- Deal with it- What are you going to do differently next time. It may mean changing things in your life to avoid this frustration. In most cases it means avoiding certain people. Write it out. Make a list of the things you could have done differently. Call a friend. It helps to hear yourself say the problem out loud. You’re not necessarily seeking their advice, you just need to get it out of you. What ever you have to do to maintain you peace it’s worth it.
- Move ON– probably the most important point. LET IT GO! Don’t dwell on the problem. Turn off the tape. Have you ever had a scenario that played over and over in your head like a broken record. Grab the thought the minute it hits your mind and think of something positive. I have found that one of the reasons that I hang on to old situations and circumstances is that I forgave the other person, but I didn’t forgive myself. What ever it takes to get you to move on from a problem do it; you are worth it, your time is to valuable to deal with dead stuff. Besides anything dead should be buried.
Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9